That Was Then, This is Now

Pre-Baby – There are no “spirited children”. A child’s temperament is malleable and often dictated by the parent.
Post-Baby – Yeah right!

Pre-Baby - Why does that mother not wipe that big booger out of her child’s nose?
Post –Baby - Wiping your child’s nose results in screaming. People will think you pinched your child with how it carries on. Plus, another one is going to reappear immediately.

Pre-Baby - You can train your child to sleep through the night; it just takes a little willpower.
Post-Baby – Ha, Ha, Ha! I think I may puke if I hear the words “sleep training” ever again!

Pre-Baby – Gross, why would someone let their baby continue to wear an outfit that appears to be soaked in saliva?
Post-Baby – Saliva, that isn’t saliva. It is a concoction of spit-up, boogers, formula, food and drool. I’ll change him into his third outfit of the morning when this one is totally drenched.

Pre – Baby - How can someone let their child fall asleep while playing in their jumparoo? That poor child must be exhausted
Post –Baby - My child has fallen asleep in their jumparoo several times. I think there must be some sleepy potion that puffs out of the seat when the kids jump.

Pre-Baby – I am not going to let baby sh!@ take over my house.
Post-Baby – I have used burp cloths for Kleenex, tripped over toys in my bathroom and have a space saucer in front of my fireplace. And yes, I have gotten rid of the coffee table.

Pre-Baby – I’m going to be the mom who pushes my stroller in high heels.
Post-Baby – I twisted my ankle before I got the second kid buckled in.