A Lesson in Letting Go

I admit, since having the babies I have been a little uptight. If the babies start the day off schedule, I feel like my day is chaos. I worry if they don't finish their bottles; lately I have been known to lay awake at night thinking, "great, since their bellies aren't full they are probably going to get up at 2 AM instead of 3, then they will get up again at 6 AM instead of 7 AM, they won't be able to stay up till 8:15 AM which is morning nap time and the whole day is going to be off!" I become flustered if their 5 PM catnap is too short and worry about their constant excessive spit-up, normal for reflux babies. In short, I have become a tight-ass.

I knew things had gotten bad when I could no longer get back to sleep at night after getting up to tend to the babies. I knew I needed a break when I was counting down the days to my dentist appointment, looking forward to the 1 hour of peace and quiet away from the kids. I knew I desperately needed to get away when the dentist said "it looks like you may have a cavity, we should go ahead and take care of it now but it probably would be ok till your next appointment in 6 months" and I thought this was great news, happily making the appointment for the following week.

So, Max and I booked a night away at the Umstead Hotel in Cary while Grammy G and Aunt Cid graciously watched the babies. I was nervous to leave the kids for 2 days. Before we left I was constantly worrying. "What if the kids refuse to nap, what if they forget to swaddle them when they try to put them down for naps, what if they don't eat well, how will they find time to get the bottles done...they don't know how much planning it takes me to fit everything into the day. Plus, what if they rock them to sleep and then the kids expect to always be rocked to sleep, there may be permanent damage to the routine." I left them a detailed schedule with instructions galore, I must have told Max a hundred times before we left, "I sure hope they stick to the schedule." I was eager to get away but ancy as we walked out the door.

We started the weekend with a 4 mile run in Umstead Park. It was the perfect way to get my mind refocused for the weekend. After our run we checked into the Umstead Hotel and spent the day getting treatments and basking in the glorious spa. Around lunchtime I realized I was no longer antsy about the babies. In fact, I wasn't worried about them at all. I felt light and completely in the present moment. I realized I had let go! My babies were in great hands and this weekend was about Max and I. Alleluia I was completely baby free!

The hotel was gorgeous and the experience left me refreshed and recharged. I woke up a few times Saturday night but immediately realized I had no reason to get up so went right back to sleep. I think I slept 10 hours. We enjoyed time by the pool (I love NC, there are days you can enjoy the beautiful fall colors and bask in your bathing suit by the pool at the same time), drank wine, enjoyed the 5 star food, and drank more wine :) We didn't even call to check on the babies until right before we left on Sunday.

A walk around the lake

The hotel grounds

By the pool

When we walked through the door Grammy G gave me a huge hug and said "you are an amazing women, I bow down to you." "Hmmm, things must have gone well" I thought. The truth was the kids were great on Saturday but Sunday they did get a little off schedule and the day was a little choatic. But, all the babies were happy and well and no permanent damage to the schedule was done :) In fact, they all only got up once during the night and slept great, no one needed rocking :) This morning I am back to reality. Marcus does not want to nap and I'm behind on my routine already. BUT, I am present and relaxed. So what if Marcus doesn't sleep great this morning, he is bound to catch up this afternoon. I realize that these moments are too fleeting to constantly be worrying about schedules, patterns and amounts. This past weekend came at the precise moment when I really needed to just let go.

We had an amazing time this weekend, thanks Grammy G and Aunt Cid! You guys did a great job with the kids. They miss you already! We are already looking at places for our next getaway. Grammy G and Aunt Cid can tell you what a breeze watching the kids was (wink, wink), any takers?